misunderstood desires...

"the problem that girls have, and that their mothers must negotiate with them, is that desire is wrongly equated with sex. over time... girls learn that displays of life, of verve, are considered provocative. within such a dangerous context, girls are schooled to 'just say no' to those who desire them and, many times, say that to their own desires, as well. some girls --often at great risk-- try to play with their provocativeness or harden it and wear it as a shield. many more girls monitor themselves so that they limit risk, but they have to disconnect their ideas of self from their bodily source of desire. but either of these strategies cuts girls off from the yes within themselves -- the self-knowledge of what they want and what feels right to them. they become vulnerable to cultural scripts for their lives than being able to create their own stories for themselves."

*excerpted from "mother daughter revolution" by debold, wilson, malave - pg.173